


Then, Now, Forever

by _Melodic_ (Sae), ImpishInklings, Llaeyro, rscollabmods



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Art, Blow Jobs, Coma, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fantasy Sex, Flashbacks, Fluff, Getting Together, Hallucinations, M/M, Mutual Pining, POV Sirius Black, Sirius Black Lives, St Mungo's Hospital, Top Sirius Black, flangst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-19
Updated: 2016-06-19
Packaged: 2018-07-14 15:50:48
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,514
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7178393
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sae/pseuds/_Melodic_, https://archiveofourown.org/users/ImpishInklings/pseuds/ImpishInklings, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Llaeyro/pseuds/Llaeyro, https://archiveofourown.org/users/rscollabmods/pseuds/rscollabmods
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i> Perhaps, one day, Remus will need him the way he wants to be needed. Sirius knows he will still be here, waiting.</i>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	Then, Now, Forever

**Author's Note:**

> This collaboration was created as part of the 2016 round of [rs_collab](http://rs-collab.livejournal.com/)
> 
> **TEAM: Radium's Sunrise**
> 
> Story plotted and written by the whole team, art by Llaeyro.
> 
> The team would like to thank [shiftylinguini](http://shiftylinguini.livejournal.com/) for casting her speedy yet thoroughly critical eye over both the fic and art. Also, a huge thank you to the mods for their patience and understanding.

It wasn’t a sudden awareness; a gentle voice, an unfamiliar one, smoothed the transition. It was a soothing, friendly voice though, so there was no jolting or panic when he felt consciousness return to him. Instead, he felt rested and calm. He couldn’t remember why he was asleep but that was fine; lots of people fall asleep without realising it. Vague thoughts filtered through his mind. Who had he been with last? What was the last thing he could remember? He struggled with that until a name sprang into his mind.

 _Harry._

He knew that name and knew that he had to find the boy it belonged to. That was when the calm was destroyed, when he tried to move, at which point he completely freaked out. He couldn’t open his eyes or move at all. Through the panic he heard a crash and the unfamiliar voice became louder, nearer.

“Gracious, you did give me a fright!” 

He could hear a clicking sound moving towards him, followed by the muttering of a spell. A whooshing noise next to him that made him jump. Well, it would have done, if he’d been able to move. 

“Not to worry, though. It’s normal to try and reach out, no harm done, dear. You’re in St Mungo’s, Mr Black. I’m Hilda, one of the Healer’s Aide’s here.” 

What was he doing in St Mungo’s? He couldn’t feel a spell holding him in place, nor ropes binding him to the bed as was customary when dealing with criminals. He couldn’t imagine the Ministry didn’t know he was here, no matter how influential Dumbledore was and they wouldn’t have left him unbound.

He felt a tugging sensation as his sheet was pulled around him. Then the pillow he was resting his head on started moving. 

“Now, usually I’d be explaining to you what happened, giving you some reassurances and such, but I’m afraid no one will tell me anything. It’s very curious. Mysterious looking Ministry types all over the place… I even spotted the Minister himself, right outside your room earlier on. Never seen anything like it in my thirty years here. Yes, very curious…” 

Okay, so the Ministry did know he was here. Unless the guard was very quiet, Hilda was the only person in the room. What had happened that the Ministry felt it unnecessary to leave a guard with him? Better question, why had they not just had him kissed like they had attempted to do two years prior? He felt the room get colder; a swishing noise reached his ears and he wished he could tell what was going on in the room without having to listen for every little detail. It was actually quite hard to work out what each sound was.

The clicking resumed and he realised that it must be coming from Hilda’s shoes. This time, the Healers Aide caused a series of squeaks and rattles before the sound of a quill scratching on parchment echoed though his skull. He nearly laughed at the thought of quills on parchment being nigh the only sound he recognised straight away, but after spending seven years using them at Hogwarts, it was a sound he knew almost as well as his own name. 

“Right, I need to be getting on now. As soon as I know anything, I’ll tell you, dear.” 

He couldn’t help but wish she knew more now. He really wanted to know what had happened and what was going on. Not knowing was going to drive him crazy... Well, crazier anyway. 

“Oh, actually, there is one thing.” 

The door swished back open. He heard the shoes come back towards him, followed by a clink and the sound of water being poured. 

“There’s a gentleman outside who doesn’t seem to be with all the Ministry officials. He looks rather… care worn. He came in with you, and he’s refused to move from outside ever since he was discharged. He’s fine, just a few scratches, although by the look of him he’s had worse in the past. He’s been trying to see you. I’ll just leave some water here, in case they let him in soon. And an extra glass for you, of course, for when you’re up to it, dear.” 

Hilda walked away again. The clickety shoes she wore were irritating, but at least they let him know where in the room she was. The creaky door opened again. 

“Ah, and here he is!”

A new voice sounded from across the room.

“Sorry?” 

He knew that voice. It wasn’t unfamiliar like the healer’s voice had been. Remus was here. He didn’t sound good, though. He sounded like he usually did after a full moon; tired and worn out, with a hint of confusion thrown in from missing half of the one-sided conversation. 

“I was just telling our mutual friend that he had someone waiting outside for him, so that he didn’t feel forgotten, you know.”

More footsteps but these were not the clickety-tap of Hilda’s heels. They were more of a gentle tapping sound, letting him know that Remus had moved forward. However, the tapping stopped before they reached the bed. Why? Remus spoke again, softer this time.

“He’s… He’s been awake?”

“No, dear.” Hilda’s voice was gentle, sympathetic, making him worry what Remus must have looked like. The hope had been evident in his voice and it made him sad to know that he was causing his friend such worry. “He can hear what’s going on around him, though. Take it from me. Anyway, I’ll leave you two to it. I’ll be back to see you later, Mr Black.”

“Please… It’s Sirius.”

His name pulsated through the air, causing his breathing to quicken and his mind to recall flashes of coloured light. Shouts sounded throughout the room, making him wonder if he were still in St Mungo’s, as he recalled the events that had led to his being in this room, unable to move.

He hears Remus call his name, sharp and anxious, as the hex hits him squarely in the chest. Pain rushes through his body, intense and sharp, crackling through every nerve. He has to bear it, work through the pain until it subsides; there are too many others counting on him. He grimaces, fighting through the last shocks of discomfort when he realises he’s somehow lost his footing and is falling. His hands grasp out but they only meet air. Bellatrix laughs cruelly as she watches him, her dark eyes manic with glee. The entire room suddenly is quiet, still. Is this what death is like? Peaceful and silent, even within chaos? His head tips back and an incredible pressure surrounds it, not quite painful but uncomfortable, all the same. His body feels chilled, a swift coldness overtaking him, when he feels warm hands grip his forearm tightly. The pressure subsides, the sensation dissipating as his vision fades. His eyelids droop and close, the last image Remus’s face, eyes swimming with fear and worry.

Sirius came back to himself with a start. That last view of Remus’s face set him on edge as he tried to hear if Remus was still in the room. How much time had passed since he had nearly fallen to his death?

“Sirius?”

The voice permeated through his worry and he breathed an internal sigh of relief. Remus had stayed, though he sounded wary. 

“Um, this feels rather odd, talking to you like this, but the Healer’s Aide said that perhaps you could hear what’s going on around you…”

His voice wasn’t as far away as it had been before the memory started but it wasn’t by his bed. Why wasn’t Remus coming closer? What wasn’t he telling him?

“Harry’s fine. Everyone’s fine, a few injuries, mostly easy to heal… Harry’s friends came away with a few broken bones. Hermione and Ron are still undergoing treatment back at the school, but they will be just fine. Dumbledore plans to let Harry’s family know that he has had a... difficult experience, before he arrives back with them for the summer.”

Oh thank Merlin, Harry wasn’t hurt! Really though, sending him back to the Dursleys? That didn’t sound like anyone had thought about his godson at all. Now he knew he had to wake up, if only to get Harry out of that hellhole. 

“Bellatrix escaped, but we caught the others, even Malfoy.” Remus’s voice became just louder than a whisper and moved towards him. “We got him, Sirius. Peter. _We got him._ Fudge has publicly announced that you were wrongly convicted, but with him also admitting that Voldemort has, indeed, returned... Your innocence hasn’t been getting a whole lot of press coverage, so you still need to—to keep a, a low profile. But, you’re technically free.”

Peter was caught? Free? Sirius couldn’t believe what he was hearing. He was definitely dreaming now. He must have fallen asleep. Oh, but if it were true, if it was even remotely possible that he was free, the things he would do, the places he would go! Grimmauld Place would be razed to the ground. He was never setting foot in that dump, that prison away from prison, again.

A slight shuffling sound reached his ears and he heard footsteps so quiet he almost feared that he was imagining them. Fingers swept gently over his right hand before a hand covered his. Remus made a sound that seemed to Sirius half a sob and half a sigh. 

“Wake up, please...”

James and Lily have only been dating for a year but they often act like an old married couple. James will make a crude joke and Lily will roll her eyes and shove him with her shoulder, but a moment later he wraps his arms around her and she sighs happily, his earlier faults forgotten and forgiven. Sirius can’t help but watch them longingly as Lily giggles into his neck and he presses a soft kiss into her hair. He’s happy for his friends, of course he is, but seeing them together, so content and comfortable, often leaves him aching for something similar. Sirius may be popular—people are drawn to him and like him easily—but friendly faces in a hallway are nothing compared to the clear intimacy Lily and James share.

His eyes stray towards Remus, sitting by himself on a common room chair, reading a book by the fire. The low firelight dances across his face, casting shadows over the planes of his cheekbones, making them look sharper than usual. Remus’s hair falls gently over his eyes and Sirius’s heart clenches painfully with some unknown emotion.

Before he is even aware of it, Sirius is halfway across the common room, heading towards Remus. Thoughtful green eyes peer up from the book, a soft smile spreading over his face, and Sirius’s heart begins to pound. Sirius perches himself on the arm of the chair, ruffling Remus’s hair, and does his best to ignore the fluttering in his stomach.

It wouldn’t do to explore these forbidden thoughts and feelings. Remus is his best friend; a schoolboy crush, a fleeting attraction, is no reason to put that in jeopardy. Remus scowls up at him indignantly, flattening his hair before turning back to his book.

No, it’s best to keep his distance and push those thoughts away. Nothing good can arise from them, in any case.

Awareness resumed. It was quiet and for a moment Sirius was glad of it. Then the feeling was gone and all that was left behind was a strong desire to do something. Anything. Unfortunately ‘anything’ was prohibited by the annoying inability to move. Damn it. Bored, bored, bored. Sirius was bored beyond belief. Eventually he let himself doze off, the only pastime he could occupy himself with, outside of recounting memories.

When he came to, a monkey was chasing a banana around Hogwarts. For a split second he thought he was crazy, then he realised that someone had painted Hogwarts like a rainbow and it felt like everything suddenly made sense. The sky was green, the grass was blue and the Giant Squid was wearing a top hat, a monocle and had gloves that fit his tentacles. His? Hers? He’d never thought to ask. Just when Sirius thought things couldn’t get any weirder, a centaur emerged from the forest. Only, it wasn’t a centaur… not really. It had the body of a cat, but an unclad chest and the stern, scowling face of McGonagall. That was enough to send him swirling back into nothingness.

Next time, he was pretty sure he really was awake, but he still couldn’t open his eyes. With the memory of that dream following him, all Sirius could think about was that they must have him on some seriously strong pain medication. He should definitely warn them of the side effects when he could move again. No sense in someone else getting that kind of mental image too. Unless, of course, they wanted to give the whole lot to the Death Eaters—it would serve them right for following a twit with no nose. It was bad enough that he would probably need to see a Mind Healer after he could physically wake up, he could do without the trauma of McGonagall’s boobs haunting him. As he fell back asleep he was grateful to see only blackness welcoming him in.

A light weight atop his head pulled him out of the darkness of his mind. It vanished before repeating itself. Starting near his face and working its way down to the ends of his hair. It felt nice, gentle even and made him feel properly relaxed for the first time since he woke up in the hospital. As the motions continued Sirius heard Remus’s voice start to speak softly, just above a whisper, as though afraid that his voice was going to disrupt the calm.

“I know, I could use magic, I just… want to feel like I’m doing something useful. I couldn’t even count the number of times you’ve cared for me; bathed my wounds carefully with a warm flannel, dressed them with bandages, rubbed salve into my aching muscles.” He went quiet for a while, occasionally pressing his palm to Sirius’s scalp to dampen the snag of the brush over knots. 

“The staff have taken care of all everything of that ilk, so all that’s left is for me to stand here and brush your hair.” Another pause, while he gently worried a rather troublesome knot, by the sounds of it. 

“I wish I could take you home, care for you in the proper manner. Repay you, in the proper manner, but they won’t allow it. I tried, I really did, but I don’t even know who I’m arguing with. The Unspeakables and the Healers won’t tell us much. It’s because of that thing—the gateway that you started to fall through. No one has ever been pulled out of it before. They don’t know, no one’s sure… Dumbledore thinks that it’s no use talking to you. He thinks you won’t—that you’re already…”

Remus sounded sad and that made Sirius sad. He hated causing his old friend such distress. The other man went through so much as it was, he didn’t need the added stress of not knowing if Sirius was going to wake up or not hanging over him. His voice had changed when he spoke again, more willful and determined, less obviously upset. 

“But like I said, it’s an unprecedented circumstance. However long you’re here, like this… I’ll be here, too. I won’t abandon you again, Sirius. I swear it.” 

The depth of emotion in Remus’s voice caused Sirius to jolt. He meant it, he really meant it. His sincerity shone like a beacon to Sirius, stuck in his veil-induced darkness, and made him more determined than ever to wake up. He needed to tell his friend that he hadn’t looked after him expecting repayment. He most certainly didn’t want Remus to waste away while waiting for Sirius’s body to catch up with his mind. 

Sirius didn’t know when Remus had stopped his careful ministrations on his hair until the gentle strokes resumed and he relaxed into the comforting motions.

A few loose tendrils of hair stick to Remus’s damp temple as Sirius wrings out a cool cloth before pressing it to his forehead.

“Sirius?” Remus murmurs roughly, eyes fluttering open.

“Shh, Moony,” Sirius replies softly, “it’s just me.”

Remus’s weary eyes adjust to the low light of the room, groaning slightly as he tries to sit up.

“Rest for a little longer,” Sirius scolds affectionately, “You need a bit more sleep to regain your strength.”

They lock eyes for a moment, Remus trying for a smile that comes off more as a grimace, before he surrenders to his fatigue and closes his eyes.

“Always trying to push yourself,” Sirius mutters to the quiet room as he puts the cloth aside.

He sighs softly and reaches out to run his fingers through Remus’s hair. Remus makes a soft, content sound but otherwise remains asleep. Sirius’s heart aches to see how badly the full moon affects Remus, how worn and tired he is afterwards. He wishes there was more that he could do, something more concrete than this simple after-care; his only way to share the burden of Remus’s pain.

The familiar longing stirs in the pit of his stomach, the futile desire to share his innermost feelings with the man lying before him. How could he though? Hasn’t Remus been through enough, dealt with such pain? What if Remus doesn’t feel the same? How could Sirius allow his unrequited feelings to become yet another burden to the man he loves so dearly.

Sirius gazes at Remus, hands clenched and lips pressed together tightly as he sleeps fitfully. He lowers his face, an inch away from Remus’s forehead, lips desperate to smooth away the lines from his furrowed brow. The urge is so very strong, but Sirius’s constraint proves stronger, and he forcefully pulls himself away. He settles back into the chair by the bed, leans his head back and closes his eyes. Perhaps, one day, Remus will need him the way he wants to be needed. Sirius knows he will still be here, waiting.

Just in case.

Sirius awoke slowly this time. He had given up wondering about the passage of time while in this weird coma dreamscape. He decided enough was enough. He wanted to move, he wanted to speak but most of all he wanted to open his eyes and see Remus, assure Remus that he was alright, or at least would be. Was Remus even there? He couldn’t hear him but then again, Remus had always been the quietest Marauder. James was no competition to him. Even Peter… No, that rat was removed from the legacy, removed from the tales and the memories and banished to the furthest dregs of his mind. He deserved none of the kindness that the memories of friendship and brotherhood inspired after what he had done. Water rushing into a glass close to his ears knocked him out of his reverie and alerted him to the presence in the room. He hoped it was Remus still. He had promised last time he was here, or had he not gone home? How long ago had that happened? Sirius once again cursed the fact that he was trapped in his mind, unable to even work out the passage of time. It really would be nice to know how long he had been lying on this dratted bed in the middle of what would inevitably be a white room with white furniture and white linens on the bed he was trapped on. The presence exhaled loudly and began to speak, leaving Sirius twice thankful. Once for the fact that it was Remus and another for giving him something to focus on rather than this room.

“Do you remember Lydia Penfold?” 

Of course he did. She was his first—not that anyone knew that, at the time or even now. His flirtatious ways had earned him a reputation and he wouldn’t want to disillusion his fanbase. He hadn’t thought about her in years, though. He was curious why Remus would bring her up.

“You were so sure you were going to marry her. She was perfect; Muggle born, working class, everything your mother would have hated.” Well, not everything. A werewolf probably would have been worse for her, and a male one at that. Lydia was his second choice. The one he could have, in the face of the love he held for his friend that could never be revealed. 

“It was a horrible eight months that you were together for. It was awfully selfish of me, but I disliked her. She had gotten in the way. James had Lily, and then you had Lydia, and where did that leave me?” 

What? How could he not have realised how Remus felt about that relationship. 

“I was just the friend. The awkward inconvenience who couldn’t earn a living and so needed looking after. It had been fine when it was just us, but when there were fiancees involved, I felt like a spare part. A nuisance. I felt that I had… lost you. Lost what we had.” 

Oh Remus. He had never been an inconvenience. Sirius actually enjoyed looking after him. Of course, he hated what Remus had to suffer through each month, but at least he was able to be there for him—at least he could care for him, as a friend, if nothing more. Remus was his friend at the very least and no matter how he wished for more, even then, Remus was never going to be a spare part. That was evident to Sirius from the get go and was ultimately the reason his relationship with Lydia ended, not that Remus had ever been told the real reason. A cumulation of missed dates and family gatherings to see Remus, either because of the moon or for an increasingly infrequent meet up, had led to the final confrontation the night of her eighteenth birthday celebration. Unfortunately her birthday party had been organised on the same night as the full moon and she was not in on Remus’s furry little secret. Lydia hadn’t been best pleased with him blowing her off for Remus, again, and had told him that if he didn’t turn up to her party then he wasn’t to contact her anymore; they were over. So he chose Remus. He knew where his loyalties lay. Sure he’d told Remus he was going to marry her but that was really only because he knew Remus wouldn’t want him. He had chosen Remus back then and now he was going to knock these dumb ideas of being an inconvenience and spare part right out of Remus’s head. Just as soon as he could move. Damn it. 

“Anyway, what I’m trying to say is… I wasn’t fair on you, and I may have jeopardised your chance at happiness. And I’m truly sorry, Sirius.” A hand griped his gently, squeezing slightly as though to emphasise the apology.

“While we’re on apologies, things haven’t been easy for either of us, since you moved back home. We’ve both been rather, well, tightly wound, understandably. So if...” He coughed lightly cutting off what he had been saying. 

“When you wake up, Sirius, I’d like for us to spend some time together. Just, sit around with a beer, talking. Like we used to.”

The grip on his hand tightened and Remus spoke, his voice closer than before as he whispered “Come on, Padfoot. I need you.”

There is always something so utterly tedious about these Order meetings. Sirius knows he should be paying attention as Kingsley drones on about new strategies but boredom overtakes him and he finds himself tuning out the chatter around him. His eyes stray across the table, landing on Remus, who is listening to the conversation intently. His kind eyes flicker with interest as he nods his head, chewing his lip in concentration.

Merlin, those lips. Sirius has often wondered just how they would feel underneath his own. Would Remus be pliant under his mouth, allowing his tongue to explore the wet, hot heat inside? Sirius can imagine how delightful it would be to run his hands under Remus’s shirt, caress the warm skin underneath, teasing his nipples until he was panting against his mouth. He wonders if they would even manage to remove all their clothing. Would they just rut against each other desperately, grinding their hard cocks until they came urgently in their pants? 

Sirius thinks he’d like to take his time; swallow Remus’s dripping prick into his mouth as he slowly twists his finger in his arse, stretching him to perfection. Curl his fingers expertly inside of Remus, make him moan in blissful ecstasy until all he can do is shudder and spill his release into Sirius’s waiting mouth.

Just imagine how perfect that tight, welcoming heat would be as it envelopes Sirius’s hard cock. Sirius would thrust in gently at first, allowing Remus to become accustomed to his girth, until their patience ran out. Then he would slam into Remus with all he had, long and purposeful strokes until Remus is hard again, on the verge of coming with Sirius buried deep inside him. Sirius’s cock would throb in sympathy as he reaches out and—

“Sirius?”

“Um, sorry, what?” Sirius asks, heart pounding as he pulls himself out of his daydream.

“I asked if you agree with the plan,” Kingsley replies dryly.

“Yes, sure. Definitely.”

Kingsley nods his head and turns back to the rest of the party, pulling a map out and spreading it across the table. Sirius’s cheeks heat up slightly as he carefully adjusts the growing hardness in his pants, eyes flicking over to Remus to find the other man already watching him. He locks gazes with Remus, catching a flash of heat in those green eyes, before Remus looks away and back towards Kingsley. Sirius sighs to himself silently; clearly, he is imagining things again. One thing is for sure, though. He is going to have a fantastic wank after this meeting.

As he rose out of his memories, the heat he had felt at the time carried through with him and, not for the first time, he wished he could move. Just thinking about Remus was making him hotter and he could hear his heart pounding in his ears, the remembrance of that look making it pound faster and causing his breath to come quicker. A shrill beep startled him and made his heart jump with sudden panic. Why was an alarm blaring? What was going on? Wait. Was that alarm in his room? Sirius could have groaned in embarrassment when he realised that his not so innocent thoughts about Remus had caused his monitoring alarm to go off. Dear Merlin, please don’t let Remus be there, that would be torture. But even as he thought that, he could hear Remus shouting, wanting to know what was going on. More shouting occurred before the alarm switched off. The sudden silence was almost deafening to Sirius, who had no sight to tell him what was going on in the room. Finally, someone spoke.

“Vitals are raised.” It sounded like a young woman’s voice. Sirius had to assume that she was a member of staff or she wouldn’t be in here and it sounded like she knew what she was talking about. “No obvious cause and they seem to be settling now. The tincture should help. Did you notice anything, prior to the alarm?” 

Sirius wondered who she was asking. Was Remus still there?

“Me? Well, no I… I was just sitting here, talking to him and—” Oh, good, he hadn’t left or been kicked out in all the drama. 

“What were you talking to him about?” Remus had been talking to him? Crap, what had he missed? What if it was important? Oh, Merlin! What if Remus worked out what had happened? No, chances of that were impossible. He didn’t even know Sirius could hear him and, thank Merlin, couldn’t read Sirius’s mind to know what he had been thinking about. 

“Well, I was—That is…” Oh, what Sirius would have given to see the colour rising up Remus’s cheeks right now. He sounded as though he was bright red, poor sod. What had he been talking about that would make him that nervous? 

“Oh, now.” Well, that made him jump. When did Hilda get there and how did she stay so quiet while her colleague tormented Remus? “I’m sure we don’t need the details of your private conversations.”

Silence, the other Healer clearly contemplating how important it was for her to know the conversation. Nosy parker. 

“I suppose not. Just be mindful not to get him over-excited again. There is too much uncertainty about his condition.”

“Of, of course.” Poor Remus. Hopefully the door click he just heard was the sound of the nosy Healer leaving so Remus could have a moment to get over the embarrassment he had just suffered.

“See, dear? I told you he could hear us. I’ll leave you two gentlemen alone. I won’t be far, if you need me.” 

Crap. Sirius started to beg Merlin to not let the blush he was feeling actually show on his body. Hilda clearly knew what had happened to him. It seemed she was not as oblivious as her colleague, damn it. Well, at least she was nice about it.

“Thank you.” The door clicked again and Sirius was left in the room with Remus. Alone. 

An awkward silence followed the sound of a body thumping into a chair. Remus was breathing heavier, clearly trying to work out what to say. “I’m sorry. I—I wasn’t sure that you could hear me and… Well, I suppose I hoped that you could, but I feel rather foolish now.” Well the cat was quite clearly out of the bag now. Remus knew that Sirius could hear him. Maybe he would repeat what he had said while Sirius had been off down memory lane. Sirius really hoped so, if it made Remus this flustered. 

“If—If what I said upset you, Sirius… When you wake up, could we just pretend that the alarm was a coincidence and that you didn’t hear me at all? Just go back to how we were.” Remus sounded nervous, verging on desperate. Good grief, not knowing what Remus had said to cause this was driving him mad. How could Remus think anything he could say would upset him?

“Well, not back to the arguments of the last few months. Back to how we used to be—how we _should_ be.” That’s all he wanted since Azkaban—to go back to the days after James’s wedding, when Sirius and Remus were left to look out for each other. Just the two of them. 

Remus was taking the dramatic pauses to new lengths, now. It was driving Sirius up the wall as he couldn’t do anything to hurry his friend up or see how he looked in these moments. 

“If that’s not the case, however… If you, liked what I said…” Sirius really wanted to know what Remus had said now! How could he like what Remus had said when he didn’t know what it was?

His hand was being touched again, much more timidly. It was nice but it made him want to be able to grab Remus’s hand and hold it properly, to let him know that whatever he said, it was okay. After the many, many, _many_ years of longing for Remus, there was nothing the man could do or say to scare him away now. He was a Gryffindor after all.

“I want you to know, I meant it.” Good for Remus but Sirius still had no clue what was he was on about.

All the ups and downs of the day had their impact on Sirius and his head started to feel a little fuzzy. He still had no clue what was going on and his brain was starting to hurt with the effort of trying to work out what had been happening. He started to give in to the heaviness, letting himself drift into sleep. A slow beep sounded, rousing Sirius slightly but not enough to care that much about the percussion instrument that was his heart. Remus handled the interruption less calmly, as he shouted for help and, from the sounds of it, ran to the door. Silly boy. 

“Hilda!” Her clickety shoes were back. Oh, joy.

“That one, there, it started beeping, I didn’t know…”

“Not to worry, it’s just his heart rate slowing, probably because of the tincture. He’s drifting off to sleep, is all. From the looks of you, you could do with the same.”

“I’m not leaving him.” Sirius knew that tone of voice, and Merlin help anyone who tried to change his mind. Sirius was going to kick him for being such a stubborn ass.

“Of course not, dear,” She tapped her way towards where Sirius had determined the door to be. Good, it meant that he could be alone with Remus some more. “But do try and rest. You’ll be in no state to look after him, otherwise.” How long had he been there that Remus was being coddled by the nurses? 

“Sirius.” Strong hands gripped his shoulders and shook him gently. “You need to wake up. I _love_ you, Sirius. Do you hear me? I—” Remus sounded as if he was holding back tears. Surely, he’d fallen asleep already and was dreaming. Had Remus really said he loved him? Gosh, he hoped so, but he was so tired and all he wanted to do was sink back into sleep. 

“I don’t know what I’d do without you, Sirius. _Please_...”

As he drifted slowly into wakefulness, his mind was caught up on the last thing he had heard. _Remus loved him_. Although, he was mostly asleep at that point, so it was likely just wishful thinking. But then again, Remus hadn’t left his side and had been very worried about him. That was probably because he was his friend, no other reason. No, it was adding up to be a dream that his desperate mind had made up.

A hand moved on his chest. It was so comfortable that he didn’t want to move and disturb the rest of the man he so wanted to be in love with him. The more he lay there, the stronger the urge to open his eyes and look around became, until he gave in to the compulsion, knowing that it wouldn’t do any good. Except it worked. It wasn’t easy, he had to blink a few times before his eyes adjusted to the light and were able to focus, but it worked.

He looked upon his friend for the first time in days. He looked exhausted, slumped forward in the chair, his head resting on the edge of Sirius’s pillow. Sirius immediately felt bad for putting Remus through all the worry he must have felt with Sirius in the hospital. A lock of Remus’s hair was lying across his face and Sirius felt the need to move it so he moved his hand, ignoring the stiffness in his muscles, and gently brushed it away from Remus’s eyes.

The worn-looking man stirred slightly, nuzzling his face into Sirius’s hand and making Sirius’s heart long for this to be commonplace, something Remus would do with him when he was awake. His thumb softly stroked along Remus’s cheekbone subconsciously and Remus’s eyes fluttered. Sirius smiled softly at the unguarded expression on his face and wondered how long it would take Remus to notice that he was awake. He didn’t have to wonder long as he was quickly engulfed in a bear hug. Or should that be werewolf hug? It was definitely powered by the wolf because Sirius couldn’t move. He wasn’t one hundred percent sure he could breathe, to be truthful but, if he were being honest, he quite liked having Remus hold him this close. The hug made him feel like he never wanted to leave Remus’s arms. It felt like home. 

It didn’t last. Remus looked completely panicked as he sprung away from Sirius as if he was burnt. Sirius didn’t take it to heart because this felt like the proof he had needed earlier that Remus did love him, and that was enough to make him grab his friend’s shoulders to pull him back towards him. Momentum was on his side and Remus, caught off guard by Sirius’s action, lurched forward to be caught by Sirius in as tight a hug as the one he had just instigated. Sirius loosened his grip slightly to allow them a modicum of movement and took the opportunity to look at Remus. The man's eyes were wide and he was stammering quietly. 

Sirius looked fondly at him and used his hand to push some of Remus’s hair out of his face again, before hooking it round his head and pulling the surprised man into a kiss. Remus quickly relaxed into Sirius and kissed back with as much vigour as he could produce. Sirius was definitely not complaining about the kiss. It felt like everything he’d ever dreamed it would be and wondered how long they would have to wait before he could go home with the man he had dreamed about for so long.

A familiar tapping entered the room and Sirius waited for Remus to push him away before blushing madly. Instead, Remus just glanced over his shoulder at Hilda, still holding him tightly. Sirius couldn’t help but feel secretly pleased with this. 

“When he wakes up, dear,” Hilda said with a wink and a huge grin on her face, “do come and tell us straight away, won’t you? The Healers will want to usher you out while they examine him.”

Sirius would definitely be sending her flowers in thanks. It wasn’t every wizarding hospital where the staff’s discretion showed such loose boundaries.

Sirius smiled as Remus leaned back in to kiss him and felt Remus smile back. He pulled away slightly. 

“Just in case you didn’t get it, I love you too.” 

Remus’s eyes widened with happiness and he pulled Sirius until their lips were once again joined.

Sirius jolted back, laughter evident on his face. “You really need a shower though, Moony”

Remus laughed in return. “Maybe we can share one.” 

Oh boy, he’d never have pegged Remus as the sort to suggest such an activity to someone lying on a hospital bed. Well, clearly someone was smiling down on Sirius. He was not going to complain about this turn of events. He was looking forward to the future for the first time in a long while. 

Oh, the fun they were going to have.

Years and years of it. 

_~~Fin~~ Début_

**Author's Note:**

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